can't understand.

it's like reading a book and having it happen the day afterward.
no one is hiring right now, and it's officially been a month since i've been employed. i hate not working, i've always had a job since i was 16. i hate having to wait for my parents to slip me 20 bucks when i'm at their houses for dinner, i feel like a bum. but it's the only way i can put gas in my car to get to school. that's really the only thing i use money for right now. right when i get any, it goes straight into my car. and people still ask me to go out to eat or go see movies or go do shit that costs money when they know that i can't pay for it. i think they just want me to have to ask them for money, maybe i'm wrong i don't know. i guess not having money is making me bitter. not to say that i deserve any. i'm perfectly content with knowing that people who have jobs are better than me, and have earned their money, i just feel a little disconcerted in the fact that the economy is so bad in my town that i can't get a job to save my life.

report cards figuratively came in last week. midsemester grades went up online a few days ago. it's come down to three solid A's, a C, and my math grade isn't up but i can guarantee it's an F. the only graded material in that class so far has been a test and a quiz, and the test i didn't even finish, and the quiz, well, let's just say math isn't my forte. i know i can't do anything about that right now, but i'm disappointed in the C, it should be an A. i need to see a counselor about next semester and talk about my scholarship and make sure it wont cost as much as this semester.

i have 3 years left in vegas, at the most. hopefully less. then it's off to seattle. hopefully i can convince maybe 1 or 2 people to come with me so i wont be all alone in a huge city, but i think that might be what i need to begin with. i already found the school i want to teach at, and the area of town i want to live in. all i need is my goddamn teaching licence and i can get the fuck out of here. it will have been 24 years too long of a wait when it finally happens.

i'm really starting to get nervous about the election. i'm getting scared that obama's going to win. i'm getting scared that mccain's going to win. more so the former than the latter. i don't want to have to call everyone comrade, that's for sure. i still don't know who i'm voting for. i know writing my vote in is the same as not voting, and i really do have to pick one or the other, but choosing the lesser of two evils isn't a decision i'm ready to make. this is my first presidential election, but it's slowly looking like my last unless next time someone (cough ron paul cough) gets more recognition and actually has a shot. oh but wait, he's "too political" for american politics. fucking say that again and tell me it isn't the most ridiculous sentence you've ever spoken. too political for politics? who do you want as a politician, a farmer? a basketball player? a fucking austrian actor? jesus christ, politicians know a little bit more about politics than you do, i'd let them do their jobs. if anyone is uncertain about what america is turning into, i recommend reading ayn rand's atlas shrugged. not only is it the best book i've ever read in my entire life, it's a great example of what is happening to our nation right now.

p.s. livejournal is dead.